Advocacy: Annuity.org

Money should never be a reason to stay with an abuser. If you are in a situation like this, get help immediately. Annuity.org teaches victims how to stand up against their abusers.

Apparently, I was unaware this was a thing, but it makes sense now that I think about it. One of the ways that abusers manipulate their victims is by holding money over their head. As a matter of fact, my wife (who again is a narcissist) has attempted to do this to me several times in the past, and it is ultimately one of many reasons why I have ultimately decided to end up divorcing her.

Why am I talking about financial abuse? Because another victim advocacy group reached out to me very recently, and these individuals go by the name of "Annuity.org". A representative from their organization has this to say about the services they provide:

Financial abuse is a common form of domestic violence that occurs just as frequently as verbal and physical assault. Studies have shown that financial abuse is a common tactic used by abusers to maintain power and control over their victims. It can include restricting access to money, controlling spending, and preventing the victim from working or seeking education. Financial abuse is a well-known form of abuse that can be highly effective in keeping victims in abusive relationships. Research shows that victims often struggle to leave the relationship due to concerns about financial support for themselves and their children. Financial instability can create a sense of isolation, as victims become dependent on their abusers. The shared financial reliance can make it difficult for victims to see a way out of their situation, as they lack the necessary resources. Even though it can be difficult, rebuilding your finances after financial abuse is possible with the right approach. Financial literacy is key to making informed decisions and achieving personal financial stability. Following that, it's crucial to find employment and establish a personal income stream or investment. Because Financial abuse is a problem that doesn't go better with time. In fact, it frequently gets worse and can result in other forms of abuse. For confidential support from qualified advocates, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 if you do not have someone who can help. The goal is to deal with financial abuse as soon as it occurs.

As the logo would imply, their website quite simply is:

http://www.anuity.org

I would strongly encourage anyone that is dealing with an abusive relationship to check out this organization's offerings. Money can be a particularly effective way for abusers to assert power over your victims. There is a very good chance that if you are in an abusive relationship, that money is one of the tools in your abuser's toolbox. Although it can be scary, make no mistake. You deserve way better than to be in an abusive, toxic relationship. You have innate, intrinsic value as a human being, and as a human, you deserve someone that can treat you with respect and human dignity.

In particular, I was encouraged by Annuity.org's representative to review some of their recently submitted guides on Financial Abuse and Financial Literacy for Women.

That said, although the organization's representative did a good job at providing a brief guide on this resources, I will try to expand on this to give you a more comprehensive sneak peak at what these guides have to offer, starting with the Financial Abuse guide.

The Financial Abuse guide covers multiple topics regarding what Financial Abuse is, and what to do if you suspect that your or a love one become a victim. The guide starts off by defining Financial Abuse as:

"...Involv[ing] an abuser either stealing money from someone, denying money from someone or using money to exert control and power over them."

Although the definition itself is straight forward, the guide offers several examples of Financial Abuse, including, but not limited to:

• Stealing money from someone

• Taking financial control away from someone

• Placing a spouse or partner on an "allowance" and controlling their access to money.

It then cites a harrowing statistic about financial abuse:

"...Financial abuse occurs in 98% of abusive relationships and plays a huge role in preventing victims from escaping those situations."

Financial abuse is a highly effective way for an abuser to maintain control over their victims, because the victims feel powerless and hopelessly dependent on their abuser to provide them with the financial support they need to support themselves and their loved ones. No matter how desperate your situation may seem, understand that the end of the day, you do have options if you look around hard enough.

The article then moves onto the next section, Warning Signs. Here, they identify the most at risk populations for financial groups, namely, the elderly and spouses. They also identify possible scenarios which should make you suspicious of financial abuse, including the following:

For the elderly:

• Restriction of access to necessary medical care or other facilities.

• Email and phone scams

• Sudden management of elderly individuals finances by another family member.

For spouses/relationships:

• Forced surrender of paychecks to your significant other.

• Being placed on an allowance.

• Restricted access to credit/debit cards.

• Denial of basic, fundamental needs, such as food or water.

In the next section, How to tell if a Loved One is Being Financially Abused, it wisely states that identifying abuse is easier said than done, and sometimes, it takes time and experience to see the signs. It then lists several indications and behaviors of an abuser taking advantage of their victims:

• Constant mood swings by the abuser.

• Sudden, unexpected, generous gifts to the victim from their abuser.

• How the spouse/significant other describes their romantic interest (are they authoritative, etc.?)

• Constant pleading and begging from the victim to their abuser to make small, every day purchases.

• Different standards of living for the victim and the abuser (does the victim drive a beat up lemon, while the abuser drives a Maserati?)

• Sudden, significant charges/withdrawals from a loved one's bank account.

• Several other possibilities. Assess the situation critically and connect the dots.

After that, the article offers tips on how to get out of this type of toxicity. The following are some examples:

• Call domestic abuse hotlines. A number the guide provides is as follows: 1-800-799-7233.

• Notify the police immediately

• Make use of intimate friends and family that are able/willing to help

• Come up with an exit strategy, including a means to regain control of your money

Once you have successfully escaped from a financial abuser, you will have to figure out how to recover and bounce back financially. This is what the How To Rebuild Your Finances After Abuse section covers. Tips offered in this section include:

• Educating yourself (Financial Literacy)

• Make good use of your support group (family and friends)

• Take advantage of domestic abuse shelters, if necessary.

• Secure an independent stream of income (get hired).

Finally, in the last section, the author provides resources to the abuse victim on how to report financial and/or domestic abuse. There are several options presented, including:

• The Domestic Abuse hotline (1-800-799-7233)

• DomesticShelters.org (mentioned in the previous section)

• The National Network to End Domestic Violence

• The Financial Planning Association for lessons in Financial Literacy.

All in all, this is a great resource. Financial Abuse should be taken seriously, and if you suspect your domestic partner is using this tactic to manipulate you and control your life, don't walk, run! You need help immediately! Everyone knows that it is scary to ditch a domestic abuser, especially when they've gaslighted and brainwashed you into thinking you're hopelessly dependent on them for your survival. It becomes even more complicated when children are involved. No matter what your situation is or what is going on in your life, you must understand that this situation is not safe, and the more power you give to your abuser, the more they will make your life miserable. Trust your instincts. Get help.

Check out annuity.org today to see what else you can do to help escape domestic abuse. Never give up hope. You are stronger than you think. Good luck.